respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
