He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
