We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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