I faked an abortion last night.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Couch. On fire.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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