Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
