Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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