I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize