checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
