you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
