i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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