The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize