i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
