I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
