Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
