Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
