so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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