yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
