Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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