You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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