take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
This beer is not sobering me up at all
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
