That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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