Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
