I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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