and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
