Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
