turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
