How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
