How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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