oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
