I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
