how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
