yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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