i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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