My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
