I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
