I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize