My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
