seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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