Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
This is my gift to your gina
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
