I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
