she woke up with a sticky ear
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
