She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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