I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
