I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
