so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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