is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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