At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
