wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
