There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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