hell yes lets make some ravioli
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
