i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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