Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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