singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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