he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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