She is in my trunk
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
