I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
