I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
