this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
