u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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