I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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