That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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