I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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