love makes seman taste better
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
