he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
