I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you didnt know i had herpes?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Randomize
