yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize