Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
