actually, I'm a sock model
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
