i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
