I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
